You know I sit here and wonder why I even grew up. I didnt have much of a child hood and i sure aint having any fun as an adult. the only good things to come out of my adult life are my children and my husband. I dont like family issues I dont like the drama that comes along with it. I dont like bills i dont like anything i have to pay for. Most of the time even tho i had a horrible childhood i wish i could just go back to it. then i wouldnt have to worry about when my next meal will be here where am i going to live if my house gets taken away how will i get places without a car are my kids going to have heat will i have running water will i have the internet to teach my son at home? All the things people take for granted these days are something i hold on to and cherish every moment of every day. i say thank you to the light that i turn on when i go in to go potty or thankyou to the water that come out of my tub or the thankyou to the house that i have around me i tell my car thankyou for getting me from point a to point b. im just so thankful to have all these things. I just wish things were easy for us right now. Its not fair that we make to much money but yet not enough. i guess that was just the cards my husband and i were delt from the beginning of our lives...
I know some people cheat. things happen in life and you start to question everything youve ever known. just recently i started thinking of things from my past. and it all started with a post that my dad put on fb. talking about kids and frustrating parents do they do it on purpose. Keep this in mind. My dad has 3 children a girl and 2 boys. one of his friends on there posts "thank god you had a boy...girls suck!..lol"...now do i exist or do i not exist? hard to tell with a post and a comment like that.. that triggered something in my head taking me back to my childhood. I knew for years that my parents divorced because some woman came inbetween my mom and dad i understood that very well. what i failed to realize that even before that and well even before i was born my dad cheated on my mom. he was always out with other women from what i was told. as i grew older my mom told me my dad had other children. at least another one with the same name as my real brother. neither one of us ever believed her. on several occasions she contacted someone she knew who knew the situation. and they confirmed to us that he indeed had another son and his name was Christopher. I still didnt believe it. well when i was 12 i moved to my dads. and i always thought that since i moved in with him he didnt have to pay my mom child support anymore. yet i still found him mailing things to the child support agency. does that mean he still had to pay her or does that mean hes paying support for someone else? Every time i questioned him if he had other kids he said no and went about doing whatever he was doing. i just want answers. I want the truth and if i do have half brothers or siblings out there id like to know who they are or how i can find them . I think im entitled to meet my own blood if they exist and are willing to meet me. i know parents lie to keep you safe or not let you worry about things but gd it im 23 im not a kid anymore. I deserve the truth. One thing for people to keep in mind ...its in the past who cares whats done is done. theres no taking it back move on from it. but please tell me the truth im old enough and mature enough to handle the truth. Thats one thing that irritates me about growing up. You grow up you move out you get married you start a family of your own and you still get yelled at or talked to like your a little kid. Getting told how to raise your kid peeves me the most. Gd it you had your chance to raise kids let me have my turn. Let me learn from my mistakes. let me raise them the way i want which is different from how you did it. Times have changed. Homeschooling is on the rise. Guess what? i homeschool. Do i have support? No. Do i get told my kid should be in a real school learning real things away from home? Sure do. Guess what?! Just makes me want to do it twice as long. Oh in my day we went to school we didnt stay home they need to be sociallized. there are thousands upon thousands who now homeschool their children. It keeps them safe from harm it keeps them away from peer pressure. it helps them learn better and helps the parent more in their sence of accomplishment. we teach them from the time they are in the womb why stop when it comes to preschool or kindergarden?
I just wish life was eaiser!
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